There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
