I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
