Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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