Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Randomize
