I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
