she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
