I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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