I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I want to stick my p in your. b.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
