I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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