dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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