Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
