Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
