Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
