As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Randomize
