Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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