Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
