its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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