And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
i think my cat just said my name.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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