You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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