happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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