she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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