I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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