when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
