The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
