Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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