there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.