I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
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He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
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I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late