I can't breathe out the right side of my face
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.