found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day