just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
