Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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