dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Boobs speak an international language.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
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