i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I need a beard to bite.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
