That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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