I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
