I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
