I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
