I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
