I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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