just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
