Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Randomize
