omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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