just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
