So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
