new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
