His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
My liver just had a heart attack.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
