Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Randomize
