I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
