so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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