Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
