508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
He passed out mid-signature
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
