I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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