i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
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I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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