we should wear snuggies to the strip club
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
