i was rollin on her like bob the builder
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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