wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
We don't watch enough power rangers
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
