Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
