break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Randomize
