Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
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I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
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I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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