Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
