i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
