She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
