remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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