He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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