I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
