We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
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