Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
sex in a hospital.. check
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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