when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Randomize
