I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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