In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
