Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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