you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
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Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
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Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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