i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
